Marseille is a city waiting to be discovered for itself not for its fearsome reputation – notably among people who have never been there – as a hotbed of crime, corruption, drug-dealing and social conflict. And indeed, this grand old Mediterranean port of 800,000 people – second largest city in France – still grand in its post-industrial decay, has had its fair share of troubles, unemployment and a large and sometimes restless immigrant population, largely North African, languishing in the bleak northern suburbs.
But for a weekend break Marseille has to be one of the best kept secrets in Europe. It is not a question of coming here out of season (although July/August can be cruel months for a pale-skinned Celt like me): there is no specific tourist season (60 percent of visitors – apart from film crews making gangster movies – are here to see friends and relations). Tourists are so rare that the city will absorb you like a surrogate immigrant into this magical melting pot of Mediterranean and African cultures. Whatever else, Marseille is an authentic experience.
‘Marseille as the Mediterranean’s largest port has always had a transient population,’ says a Marseillaise. ‘Nobody here can claim five pure generations. My father was Russian, my mother from an old Marseille family but mixed with Armenians and Italians. The problem is that the Arabs don’t mix; we’re lucky not to have the same problems as Paris, Lyon, Avignon, Toulon… Marseille is only the ninth city in terms of crime!’
‘Il faut briser les fantomes,’ an acquaintance says. And indeed this visit is long overdue. A taxi driver is pathetically concerned that we should bear glad tidings of this city back home with us; a black waiter, whom I’d forgotten to tip in the bar, wishes me a cheerful bonjour when I meet him on the stairs with a breakfast tray. A lovely black waitress serves breakfast with a dreamy smile. And the most dangerous encounter back from the restaurant late at night is with a gabby old gent in a grey chalk-stripe suit who is trying to persuade his dog to cross the road. ‘I don’t walk him; he walks me,’ he says with a well-rehearsed smile.
I’d always thought of Marseille as a city where one changed trains with some trepidation, never daring to venture down the steep steps of the Gare St Charles. Marseille always seemed somehow different – and dangerous. And indeed, on my first fugitive visit in the mid-1980s, a Foreign Legion officer in a white kepi and sun-bleached khaki, had appeared right on cue in front of the serried lines of sleek orange TGVs. A back-lit poster showed legionnaires marching bravely off into the sunset.
Sitting outside in a café on the Quai des Belges, facing the Vieux Port, with a tall pastis and the sun coming over the yard arm of the city behind, the only frisson we feel is of imminent gastronomic enquiry. Three hours away from the gun-metal skies of northern France, the sky is pale blue, whitening towards the horizon, with thin strips of high cloud; the sea is a deep hypnotic blue. In December, January and February, you can expect cloudless days with temperatures in the ‘60s; except when the Mistral blows – an icy knife slicing down the Rhone valley; howling over roofs, through crevices in doors, and etching icicles into the hearts of respectable folk. In September it is still warm enough to swim, but without the ferocious summer heat.
For a weekend visit, it makes sense to stay in or around the Vieux Port. Looking out towards the sea from the Quai des Belges, down the long rectangle of the Vieux Port, you are looking west, not south as you might expect; which explains the marvelous sunsets over the sea; and the luminous quality of the strong light reflected from the white chalk cliffs north-east of the city along the long streets: a hard light of uncompromising brightness and shade. The city is a sepia print in the late afternoon. One side of La Canebiere (Marseille’s Champs Elysees, a vestige of its former glory, which leads inland from the center of the Quai des Belges) is bathed in yellow light, while on the other side it is already night.
Arriving by boat into the deep rectangle of the Vieux Port with the sun setting behind you can be almost a religious experience; like entering the dark recesses of a cathedral with the light shining behind you. While the most wonderful way to view the city and the sea is from the gardens of the Palais du Pharo (or the nearby Sofitel Hotel) on the southern promontory at the mouth of the harbor.
On the right side (north side) of the Vieux Port as you face the sea, behind the Quai du Port, are the narrow streets of Le Panier winding up the hillside – the oldest part of the city settled by the Greeks in 600 BC, followed by the Romans and latter-day immigrants from North Africa. Many of the fine 17th/18th century houses along the quay were razed by the Germans in 1944. But the baroque façade of the Hotel de Ville (Town Hall) still faces the harbor (perhaps because the Vichy authorities were even more Nazi than the Germans). The building contained a courthouse from whence prisoners were led across an enclosed bridge to the adjacent prison for incarceration, or worse…
There are vestiges of the Greek and Roman city in the public gardens, the Musee d’Histoire de Marseille in the Centre Bourse just behind the Quai des Belges, and the Musee des Docks Romainson the Place Vivaux farther down the Quai du Port. The Place des Moulins in the heart of Le Panier is reminiscent of a Greek village. Old stone fishermen’s cottages are now bars, cafes and Arab grocery stores.
On our way up the hill, our guide knocks at a nondescript door at what seems to be a private house in the Place des 13 Cantons. This is Michele Leray’s Chocolatiere, a savorous atelier-cum-front parlor inhabited by a sea of yapping dogs. Here we sample rich dark chocolate made somewhere on the premises (’85 percent cocoa’) and weighed out per kilo on ancient brass scales.
Crowning the hill is the Hospice de la Vieille Charite, a 17th century almshouse built by the Marseille architect, sculptor and painter, Pierre Puget. The building was saved from the ravages of property developers by Le Corbusier and Andre Malraux (Charles de Gaulle’s minister of culture) and restored between 1970 and 1986. It is now a museum and a center for exhibitions and concerts.
The Marche aux Poisson is held every morning from 9 until one o‘clock along the length of the Quai des Belges. Fish is fresh off the boats which are tied up behind the trestle tables – so fresh that from time to time a fish will slap about on the scales. Check that the registration plates on the stalls match those of the boats behind. (A few unscrupulous stall owners truck in their wares from somewhere else; supermarkets perhaps in the suburbs.) Bargains abound around noon when the fishwives colorfully strive to sell off the last of their catch.
The Marseillais go fishing or Sunday sailing en famille in the small boats crowded onto both sides of the Vieux Port. (There are about 300 much sought-after berths.) These are the sturdy high-prow pointus – serious little boats built to survive the open sea when the Mistral is blowing, a far cry from the plastic gin barges of Antibes, Cannes or St Tropez. While along the quay in front of the Hotel de Ville are the boat clubs – Groupe Amicale des Canotiers Phoceens; Union Nautique Provencale; Association des Vieux Marins Bateliers du Vieux Port…
On the left (south side) of the Vieux Port, behind the Quai de Rive Neuve, is t.he arsenal that Louis X1V built between 1665 and 1670 along with the two forts on each side of the entrance to the Vieux Port, less to protect the city from invasion than to establish the sovereignty of Paris over the unruly Marseillais. The Cours d’Estienne, a pedestrian precinct in the front of the restored arsenal buildings, is a popular gathering place with a multitude of bars and restaurants.
High up on the hill above the Quai de Rive Neuve is the florid much loved 18th century basilica of Notre Dame de Garde. While ten minutes drive, heading south around the headland on the Corniche are the parks and beaches of the Plage du Prado, where on winter Sundays the Marseillais parade their children and dogs.
You can drive as far as Callelongue just past Cap Croisette, where the coast road ends. Here begins the famous Calanques – a series of rocky creeks, a wilderness of cliffs and sea stretching 12 miles between Marseille and the picturesque little seaside town of Cassis – an unspoiled edition of St Tropez – 20 minutes drive on the D559. After Callelongue there is nothing but raw nature which you can only visit on foot – or by boat from the sea. You can walk for hours above the Calanques without ever seeing a sign of human habitation. In summer there are boat trips to the Calanques from the Vieux Port. In winter, you can hire a boat from Cassis.
You come in over the sea to land at Marseille-Provence Airport 18 miles north of the city. A terminal designed by the British architect Richard Rogers. It’s worth renting a car
at the airport: follow the signs on the autoroute to Vieux Port/Hotel de Ville. Parking is not a big problem over the weekend.
Arriving early evening on a Friday, we just wanted to stroll along the Vieux Port to get our bearings. A little ferry, which plies between the Hotel de Ville on the north side of the harbor and Place aux Huiles on the south side, saves you the longish walk via the Quai des Belges. For a taste of Provence, head for the fish restaurants around the Place Thiars. In the pedestrian precinct just off the Quai de Rive Neuve; or Les Arcenaulx on the Cours d’Estienne nearby – a bustling restaurant which comprises an art gallery and bookshop open till midnight. Or take the ferry across to the Bar de la Marine on the Quai de Rive Neuve – where Marcel Pagnol gathered material for his Marie et Cesar trilogy.
Saturday morning we explore Le Panier and La Veille Charite. Either have lunch in or around, or drive to l’Estaque, a small fishing port ten minutes north of Marseille past the Docks de la Joliette (restored like London’s docklands into offices and apartments) and the working commercial port.
Cezanne, Braque, Derain, Dufy and Renoir lived and worked at l’Estaque. Braque developed Cubism during several visits here between 1906 and 1910. Looking down on the roofs of the village from the little square in front of the church you could be sitting behind the easel of Braque or Cezanne, witnessing the birth of Cubism. There are lots of good places for lunch.
The Marche des Capucines, a 10-minute walk back from the Vieux Port, to the right of La Canebiere, is a taste of Africa, a crucial part of the Marseille experience. Here people come to shop among a dazzling array of fruit, vegetables and spices. Close by in a maze of streets and alleys around the Cours Julien is a multitude of restaurants – Pakistani, Indian, Chinese, Armenian, Jewish, Tunisian, Morrocan… Here you can eat authentic couscous; stewed lamb and spicy merguez sausages. Afterwards, you might want to stop by the Cantini Museum of contemporary art, a short walk away on Rue Grignan.
Saturday evening is the time to splurge at somewhere like Le Patalain, an elegant, rather garish restaurant in post art deco style – a place for serious gastronomes, shirt-sleeved arms akimbo… who want to see what they’re eating.
We had looked forward to bouillabaisse, the famous Provencale fish stew, said to be at its best in Marseille; but here you have to order it 48 hours in advance and for four to six people. Don’t expect the real thing unless you order it the day before, we are sternly told,
The ‘real thing’ consists of ‘at least six’ kinds of fish – baudroie; rascasse; rouget; St Pierre; congre; grondin – islands of juicy chunks swimming in a saffron-tinted broth. Don’t ask me to translate: some fish have different names in Marseille than in other parts of France. (Similarly, deep sea bass is called loup de mer along the Mediterranean and Bar if it is caught in the North Sea.) All I can tell you is that the villainous looking rascasse, which you often see in fish tanks, is called hog fish and that rouget (red mullet) is full of bones (filets de rougets need to be well filleted). Shell fish and prawns and the like are often simply tourist trappings. Today’s gastronomic presentation is a far cry from its origins as a simple fish stew made from the remains of the unsold catch (mostly bony fish) left over at the end of the day.
Bourride is a simpler, some say more refined, form of bouillabaisse, using firm white fish such as cod, brill, turbot or monkfish, in fish stock and laced with aioli – the provencale garlic mayonnaise.
I compromise with dos de loup aux epices while the others have moules mariniere and pieds et paquets marseillais (‘little parcels’ of lamb wrapped in its tripe and stewed for seven hours in tomatoes, herbs and white wine, which sounds revolting but is delicious). We drink a crisp white wine from Cassis.
At table, the French invariably talk about food, what they ate yesterday, what they are eating now, and what they’ll eat tomorrow. We are joined by the ebullient patronne-chef Suzanne Quaglia. She orders up portions of other dishes for everyone to try.
‘I’ve taken to putting coriander in my moules.’
‘I use the broth from roast quail to make risotto.’
‘My sauce was too thick.’ ‘Ah, too many tomatoes: and you must let it simmer slowly.’
Plus a lot of cross-table talk about the illegal delights of small birds (including, would you believe sparrows and robins?) for which the French have a bizarre predilection and consider as fair game (no pun intended)…
‘Ah, yes, I had a warning last year,’ Suzanne says. ‘Next time it’s a fine.’ She gives a Gallic shrug and stretches her mouth in a mock grimace.
Sunday we have time for a leisurely drive along the Corniche, past the Plages des Prado to Callelongue, just after Cap Croisette, and walk down to La Grotte for lunch of charcoal grilled steaks and the best pizzas this side of San Remo. And more chat with the natives.
‘Marseille isn’t dead city, a museum like Florence or Venice,’ our Marseillaise says. ‘People don’t like tourists who just come to gape and stare. You have to discover the city through the people. The spirit of Marseille is the Marseillais.
1994 – revised 2010.
Gloria Stern, forty-year-old mother of two, effulgent blonde, Harvard Business School graduate, owner of a mean backhand at tennis, semi-retired gourmet cook, and senior vice president marketing at Mistral Laboratories, is sitting alone in the main board room in the main board room among the debris of the monthly planning meeting. It is five-thirty on a moist spring afternoon. Outside, she can hear her male colleagues gunning their cars in the parking lot. In a few minutes they will be heading for the fabled world of martini buckets and sympathetic bosoms.
Gloria shakes her long hair loose which gives her face a softer look. Little stress lines appear around her mouth as she tightens her jaw to apply lipstick. She is a beautiful woman whom time and the job have touched with an invisible shadow. She has a headache, her mouth is sour from too many cigarettes, and she feels her period coming on.
But the meeting had been good. They had approved her new medicated shampoo plans – in spite of a strong rearguard action from the pharmaceutical division. But it had been a close thing to get the budget allocation in face of so many other projects claiming priority. Gloria had had to summon all her reserves of restraint at times to disguise emotions which others would have pounced upon as being quintessentially female and therefore unbefitting a senior executive. And fortunately Dave Silver had been there.
Dave Silver is Gloria’s division president and her mentor since she joined the group eight years ago. It is almost a father-daughter type of relationship. Dave has guided her through the two major hurdles that a management woman must face: the crucial transition into middle-management, and the quantum jump into the very top of the hierarchy.
In common with most successful women in business, Gloria was an only child and had enjoyed a strong and sustaining relationship wit her father, which had lasted throughout her adolescence and college years. He had helped her to develop so-called masculine qualities ad objectives without in any way abandoning her notion of herself as a female. Given her father’s values, Gloria was given the support by both her parents to challenge the conventional limitations of the female role in business. In many respects, Dave Silver had taken over from her father.
Gloria had learned how to become a good team player. This was important to her in developing a male view of the organization and to share with men the ability to exploit personal relationships for long term goals. Unlike many women, Gloria learned how to be flexible in group situations, not to make a ‘cause’ of small issues and not to take criticism too personally.
The crux of women’s problem in business is that while men are brought up to recognize that they will have to work all their lives, women typically hedge between a full scale career and the more conventional female role until they reach their middle to late thirties, when it is hard for them to make the major transition to middle-management. Consequently, women often tend to be more concerned with immediate job fulfillment than with long-term ambition. This can critically affect their attitudes towards people and their jobs in a way which reinforces their sexual stereotype among male executives. And potentiates their problems in the organization; ironically the stereotype derives mainly from childhood and adolescent conditioning, rather than any intrinsic differences in character between the sexes. As a result, women tend to become more task and skill oriented than men. They have a compulsion to prove themselves in the world of men by excelling in a specialty. This tends to make them good supervisors, but unable to delegate effectively at the middle-management level, in particular to male subordinates.
Gloria had been lucky. Her husband, Tom, understood the imperatives which her upbringing had instilled, and had helped her to make a definite career decision before she was thirty. They had married while Tom was still in medical school, and had the children early. Gloria was therefore better equipped than many women to make the crucial break-through into middle management.
It hadn’t been easy. Gloria had decided that she could only move upwards through the organization if she proved herself more competent at her current job, at the job above her, and at the job below her, than any man available. This took enormous amounts of energy and concentration, and threatened at times her life with Tom and the children. Along the way, she developed tactics for handling a range of potential embarrassments; from avoiding tears in public and unwelcome sexual overtures, to chairing recalcitrant peer-group meetings.
As she reached senior middle-management and became more sure of herself and her abilities, Gloria no longer felt a need to sublimate or make excuses for an essential part of her femininity. Not that she had led a double life in and out of the office. But she now felt more relaxed about herself as a woman and as an executive. She felt freer and more open in her work relationships instead of translating her perception of males styles into her behavior. Her transition into top management a year ago was accompanied by a sense of satisfaction and congruence; she had come to terms with the costs and rewards of building a career. And she had remained a woman, true to herself.
Gloria lights a last cigarette and thinks back over the meeting. It occurs to her that life would be easier if men were more liberated from their gender stereotype with regard to female executives. It’s been a long way, baby. Gloria puffs on her cigarette and allows herself a few moments of silent, private emotion.
Roger Collis 1971 Werbung/Publicite
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[This is an archive story from a collection of about 100 which I am including in my new book, ‘Management Man.’] www.rogercollis.co.uk
Air France flight 795 from Copenhagen to Paris is full; and it’s been a long day. Martin Simon, European marketing director for the consumer products division of Mistral Laboratories, is wedged between a hirsute Swede and a disconcertingly attractive blonde. He balances a Scotch and Perrier on his open briefcase; and is in the familiar state of shifting mental gears between markets.
Martin’s thoughts right now are hovering somewhere between the pleasant meeting he has just left (after all Danish sales are on plan and the smoked eel was delicious) and the somewhat more combative session he expects to face tomorrow. The French company has a sales problem and is recommending that they trim their TV schedule to protect their operating profit. Martin is opposed to this; feeling that they are already spending close to minimum viable ‘reach and frequency.’ And to risk losing share of advertising at this stage of the market development might be disastrous for the brand.
Martin knows that from an overall European point of view he can easily compensate for a French profit shortfall by moving notional funds from the German market without hurting that business. (He suspects that the Germans have quite a bit more money ‘sandbagged’ in their budget.) But of course he has local sensibilities to contend with; there are few general managers willing to forgo a good end of year result for their country profit centers in the interests of the European area – especially to the consumer products division for which Martin is responsible. It is only too easy to cut ‘discretionary’ marketing expenses to the detriment of future sales and profits.
Of course, Martin is no stranger to this kind of scene. During more than fifteen years of multi-national marketing he has mastered some of the diplomatic arts; how to get results unobtrusively by letting others think that his ideas originated with them; he knows how to get inside the thought processes of the local people – much more demanding than simply speaking the language; an ability to project oneself into the wiles and wherefores and mores of the society. Culture shock is an endemic hazard for the international man.
Martin must also judge which battles are critical for him to win, and those which can be gracefully conceded to local amour propre. He has to know when and how to refer disputes to a higher court of appeal. In this case, he must judge whether the French really have a sound business case, or whether they are just ‘being difficult,’ interpreted as ‘siege mentality,’ or the ‘not invented here’ syndrome. He knows how crucial it is to be able to evaluate local recommendations in the light of other market priorities throughout Europe. Because, for Martin Simon, international marketing is not just marketing across frontiers; it means having an overview mentality – the ability to match resources with opportunities on a global scale. Local markets are competing all the time for funds, and for Martin’s limited time. He needs to judge the priority and the quality of plans that are submitted to him – to reconcile each country’s profit exigencies with those for the whole of Europe.
This is not easy. Mistral operates a ‘matrix organization’ in which Martin shares responsibility with the local general managers for his product division within their legal entities. Martin’s divisional marketing managers only report to him on a ‘functional’ or a dotted-line basis; but to the country general managers on a line basis. Martin report to the president, consumer products division; whereas each general manager reports to the president, international operations, both at the corporate Kremlin in Broken Springs, Colorado. It is a structure which exacerbates the inherent conflict between the European area and local management. ‘Kinetic equilibrium,’ is how Mistral’s chairman described it. (The doctrine was later enshrined in a Harvard Business School case study: Chameleon Corporation.)
Martin believes it is better off trying to persuade than to legislate. The knack is to know whether a problem or issue requires a ‘strategic’ decision taken by himself or can be left to a ‘routine’ decision by his local people. The key to an effective relationship is personal credibility and trust. Martin’s effectiveness derives in part from the dialectical tension between his role as a ‘supervisor’ and his role as ‘consultant.’ The reconciliation is particularly onerous in times of serious contention.
Striking the right balance will be the key to the French meeting. He will need to draw upon all his reserves of credibility.
The plane is on time at Paris Charles-de-Gaulle Airport, but the autoroute from Roissy is closed part of the way for one-lane traffic. It is half past eleven by the time Martin reaches his hotel – too late, perhaps, to call his wife in Brussels. He chats for a few minutes with Nicolas, the night porter; then takes a bottle of Perrier up to his room and goes through the French budgets once again. He knows that a conflict is inevitable.
Tomorrow morning he is on his own.
Roger Collis 1973 Werbung/Publicite
[Another ‘blast from the past;’ aan archive story from my forthcoming collection, ‘Management Man.] www.rogercollis.co.uk
I’m settling down after lunch when the careless girl at the switchboard puts Guratsky through.
‘Good afternoon; sorry if I woke you.’
‘No need to apologize, Tom, the phone was ringing anyway… Congratulations, by the way. How’s it working out?’ (Doberman & Pinscher has won the account for a leading firm of word brokers, and our friend, Guratsky, has been named vice president, semantic services.)
‘It’s an exciting assignment. Right now I’m rationalizing our word production.’
‘What does that mean exactly?’
‘Well, our new Honeywell told us the other day that there’s been a hundred and forty percent increase in the exchange of words over the past two years. Now that’s even more than the unadjusted national inflation rate. It’s clear we have to take action here at the Word Factory.’
‘You shouldn’t believe everything you read on a computer print-out, Tom. These younger generation computers are always out to kid you. Besides, they’ve no respect for the language.’
‘I know you’re prejudiced. Ever since that female Honeywell second-guessed you at that Harvard seminar. But even you should be concerned with the tremendous increase in the number of cheap, mass-produced words and ready-made epithets and phrases going into circulation. Of course, the government is largely to blame. At a time of raging inflation and high unemployment all they can do is to release more words – like printing semantic money. An utterly cynical, “let them eat words” attitude. It wouldn’t be so bad if they were minting new expressions; but all they could do was to release the same old hackneyed ones; whole paragraphs, even speeches get recycled.
‘Of course, industry is consuming many more words than before. For example, company reports need to be more verbose in order to compensate for declining profits. Marketing plans have become book length as their contents become more dubious. And in the advertising game, long body copy looks like it’s here to stay.’
‘Sounds pretty dismal, Tom. What’s the prognosis?’
‘Serious: radical measures need to be taken. It’s clear the language is being ruthlessly diluted. If words are to keep their value, they must be used more sparingly; which means more thoughtfully. The problem is that word production cannot keep pace with world demand; there are so many more people using English today. We must arrest this profligate exploitation of a vital natural resource. Quite apart from world pollution, the nation cannot sustain the present rate of consumption.’
‘Very eloquent, Tom; public spiritedness is a welcome new side to your character. I would have thought, though, that English is still a fairly stable language. After all, we still have a favorable balance of words.’
‘
‘Yeah, but that’s not really the point. Sure, we export a lot of words. But on the other hand, But, on the other hand, the market has been flooded with Latin roots. Another thing. We’ve just done computerized “vocabulary prints’ of a number of well-known people. Very revealing. For all their prolixity, some of these people are virtual cripples. Wordwise. Walking around with a puny vocabulary of a few hundred words – recycled, of course, thousands of times a day.’
‘Well, what’s the answer, Tom? Is Doberman & Pinscher going to run around snapping at the heels of wayward word spenders?’
‘Very funny. We’ve developed a two-point program called “semantic rearmament.” First, we’re going to cut our total word production by fifty percent. Second, we plan to rehabilitate a lot of good, old words, and generally build better quality phrases for our customers. The keynote will be brevity. Texts will definitely be shorter this year.’
‘I’m impressed, Tom. But assuming you succeed in reducing inflation, won’t you be contributing to the unemployment problem? After all, you’ll be throwing quite a few of your wordsmiths out of work.’
‘On the contrary. We’re actually hiring new wordsmiths. Don’t forget – shorter texts take longer to write; we evaluate our writers by the number of words they leave out.’
‘I think I understand. What can I do for you?’
‘Go back to sleep. I’ll put our spring catalogue in the mail. We’re having a special sale of cheap second-hand expressions that might interest you.’
Roger Collis 1971 Werbung/Publicite
[This is an archive story from a collection of about 100 which I am including in my new book, ‘Management Man.’] www.rogercollis.co.uk
‘Ho! Ho! Ho! Yes, I have to admit that my organization is outdated, especially for a big mail-order business. And we do have a problem in maintaining contact with our customers. But I think you’ll agree we still have a great deal of customer appeal! This is especially true among younger children coming into the market for the first time. Although we are losing business ‘off the top’ as it were as children reach the age of 10 or thereabouts. It’s the old 80-20 rule - you make 80 percent of sales among 20 percent of the population.
‘I don’t want to appear cynical, but our old-fashioned image is something we actively cultivate. Heritage is all the rage these days. Management by Nostalgia (MBN) is what our consultants call it. Which is one good reason for keeping the Ho! Ho! Ho! (although we have updated the logo) along with my traditional dress and the reindeer. Mind you, I have had to give up the white ermine linings to satisfy the conservation folk. Nylon is so much more practical anyway. And we have had some flak from the animal rights lobby. No, I don’t think reindeer pollute the upper atmosphere, do you? Well, not if they go before they leave. And anyway, the stuff is biodegradable, isn’t it? Not like greenhouse gases. (Sorry about that! Ho! Ho! Ho!)
‘You’re right, of course, that sleighs are not the most efficient method of transport for the millennium. But the new 24-reindeer extended range sleigh which we brought into the fleet in time for this Christmas enables us to fly nonstop to Australia, traveling above the weather and commercial traffic. The trouble is we don’t show up on radar screens, which makes it dangerous at low altitude with a full load. Nothing like as dangerous as dodging chimney pots in the old days mind you. I must say it’s worth seeing the looks on airline passengers’ faces as they flash past you on the way down.
‘Distribution is still a problem. We’re trying to improve it by bringing in toys by air freight direct from China and India to the regions. I’d say less than a third of toys are now made at our North Pole workshops. And we’ve extended our distribution points by appointing local Santas on a franchise arrangement. This has not only improved our cash flow but has broadened our equity base. This enables us to improve distribution in the under-privileged parts of the world. All part of the social audit as you can see from our Annual Report.
‘I get sick and tired of critics who say that because we only work one day a year we aren’t cost efficient. Well for one thing, it’s three days if you count the time zones. And for another, we’re kept pretty busy all year around. I mean talk about shop early for Christmas! We already have orders for next year. Then you have purchasing, manufacturing and management training. You won’t believe we sent a dozen senior elves to Harvard Business School this year. (Harvard had trouble believing it as well.) We lost half of them to headhunters. So if you come across any little men with pointed heads in your business you’ve got Santa to thank.
‘Of course we’ve been affected by the recession like everyone else. This has meant cost-cutting right across the board - except for the Board - on items like gift-wrapping, travel and entertainment expenses and company sleighs. We’ve also introduced a pay freeze, which can be pretty painful if you work at the North Pole.
‘I’m expecting a vast improvement in customer relations when we finally come on stream with our computerized present system (CPS). At the moment, about half of all letters we receive go unanswered (much to parents’ relief, I should say) and presents occasionally get mixed up. I remember a little girl in Ruislip got a Star Wars outfit while the little boy next door had to cope with a giant inflatable doll dressed in Tyrolean dirndl. It took one of our reps ages to sort out. Some kind of problem with the little boy’s father.
‘Boys will be boys! One of our worst problems came when a six-year-old hacked his way into our previous system and helped himself - and his mates - to hundreds of presents. He was only found out when he started running a ‘cash and carry’ business from his nursery school. I thought ‘Ho! Ho! Ho! We can use talent like this.’ So we got him to design our new inventory control software.
‘People are always asking how we can possibly run a successful global business from the North Pole. I have to admit it used to be very difficult when we had to rely on postmen finding their way in the snow. Letters sometimes took months to get here. Children these days usually e-mail their requests to www.santa.com. Quite a few of our staff now telecommute from as far away as Africa and Latin America. And we have regular management meetings on our virtual reality conferencing system.
‘Having an offshore headquarters has fiscal advantages as you’ll appreciate. Ho! Ho! Ho! Holdings is incorporated in Lapland as a charity and pays no tax on repatriated earnings. The Santa Claus Foundation is domiciled under Swiss law as you’re probably aware.
‘A secret of our success has been an ability to constantly redefine our core business in contemporary terms. Should we continue in the business of distributing presents on a seasonal basis or start a package tour operation? These are some of our current concerns.
‘Whether I exist or not is the great ongoing challenge. I can live with the credibility gap between my prime target children and their parents. The problem is that I’m finding it harder these days to believe in myself. But this is something all managers have to face.
‘Still, I’m confident that I’ll be around for quite a while yet. You may find my management style more durable than most people think.
‘A Happy Christmas everyone. Ho! Ho! Ho!’
Will Rogers once wrote, “The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.” Of course, the one is infinitely more appealing than the other. Whether you loathe paying your taxes, or simply despise it, the time has come once again to fill the government coffers - but this year there might be something in it for you.
Nobody enjoys forking over hard-earned wages to the government. But if you’re going to do it anyway, you might as well earn some miles while you’re at it.
Since 1999 taxpayers have had the opportunity to pay their federal and state taxes by credit card. Now you can even take care of city and property taxes this way as well.
You’ve heard stories about hip taxpayers using credit cards to pay what they owe the IRS so they can rack up frequent flyer miles. Well, so have we. Take, for instance, one taxpayer who last year settled his $4 million tax bill with the IRS by using his mileage-earning credit card. It was problematic for the transaction processor, Official Payments Corp., since it had to split the tax payments into several lumps to overcome the credit card account limits, but at the end of the effort the taxpayer, Official Payments Corp. and the IRS were all happy. You’d be happy, too, if you were 4,000,000 miles richer. Sure, the convenience fee for this method was some $100,000, but let’s see if it made since for this particular taxpayer.
Four million miles equates to about 40 to 50 first-class tickets from the U.S. to Europe, Asia or Hawaii. (The person paying that type of tax will surely want to fly in that class of service.) The average price of an airline ticket to those destinations? $5,500. Total airfare cost for this amount of travel? Between $220,000 and $275,000. So, for his $100,000 convenience fee, we’d say he made another good investment. Oh, did we forget to mention that this was without figuring in the “double miles” promotion that the taxpayer’s credit card of choice was offering?
Yes, the man earned 8,000,000 miles.
Yes, when used to earn the maximum value from award redemption, these miles were worth nearly a half million dollars.
But is this the way we mere money mortals should look at the idea of paying taxes - using a credit card simply to earn miles? No. Each person asking this question will be driven by different factors. For some, the idea of paying a convenience fee is absolutely shocking; for others it will be tempting but a struggle to make the numbers work. And then there will be those of you for whom, after reading this, the biggest dilemma will simply be trying to determine which of your multiple frequent flyer cards is best to use.
So let’s run down the questions … and the answers.
Ease beats expense
Let’s first go over the convenience fee that we have referred to. If you didn’t already know, the IRS is prohibited from paying “merchant fees” normally charged to businesses by credit card processing companies. So the IRS set about authorizing other companies to collect taxes on its behalf; the processing firms, in turn, collect a “convenience” fee from the taxpayer, not the IRS itself. The middleman’s “convenience fee” ends up being 2.49 percent of the total payment.
That comes to 25 bucks if you owe $1,000 in taxes, for example, and $500 if you owe $20,000. (Don’t forget that’s on top of any interest you pay on the credit card balance.) Potential extra costs, however, apparently don’t bother some taxpayers because paying by credit card is a growing trend: In 1999, Official Payments Corp., one of only two third-party companies authorized to collect taxes on behalf of the IRS (the other is Link 2 Gov), collected $320 million in taxes. By 2004 that total had grown to $1.4 billion.
Because more and more taxpayers are opting to charge their tax bills each year, the IRS has even expanded the type of taxes it will let taxpayers charge.
Taxpayers of federal quarterly estimated taxes now can charge those four extra amounts throughout the year, not just in April. Then there are the state taxes and property taxes that can earn miles and points as well.
How is this accomplished? The process is relatively simple. First, decide which mileage-earning card has room for your tax debt. Then visit either processing company’s Web site or call their toll-free numbers. Five or six steps later, your payment is made. The steps are:
1. Select the type of tax - federal, state or local.
2. Enter the required information: credit card being used, account number, etc.
3. Accept the terms such as the convenience fee.
4. Complete details such as your contact information.
5. Confirm details of the transaction.
6. Get your digital receipt via an email confirmation.
In addition to Official Payments Corp. (http://www.officialpayments.com) and Link2Gov (http://www.pay1040.com), most tax software programs allow you to pay electronically, and that includes by credit card. Official Payments Corp. has partnered up with the popular TurboTax program so you can still earn miles regardless of which method you use for preparation. The convenience fee is still charged in these cases, but it goes to the software vendor, who then transmits it to the card processor. The software companies don’t charge extra for e-filers who say “charge it.”
But before we get off the “convenience fee” topic, let us tell you how to beat it. In a pilot program that Official Payments Corp. conducted with American Express Membership Rewards, they tested (with great results) the idea that members of this highly popular program could eliminate the “convenience fee” by using one of the benefits of that program — the ability to pay the convenience fee by redeeming Membership Rewards points. No fee, many more miles and points. What a wonderful combination of benefits. OK, now what’s your excuse for not wanting to pay taxes?
Are frequent flyer miles that valuable to you?
The answer to this question should be fairly obvious to those reading InsideFlyer. And the idea that these miles are valuable to you is echoed in some of the statistics that Jim Weaver, chairman and chief executive officer of Tier Technologies, which owns Official Payments Corp., shared with us in a recent interview. In quantitative market research done after the 2003 tax payment season, 31 percent of those paying taxes by credit card to Official Payments Corp. cited earning membership rewards, a la frequent flyer miles, as the reason they were paying taxes by credit card. And even more interesting, 67 percent of those same taxpayers said that this convenience actually increased the value of the frequent flyer credit card they were using. Weaver thinks that survey results from the upcoming 2004 tax payment season will be similar.
Just another purchase
Another factor boosting the popularity of charging taxes: We view these transactions as just another purchase.
Taxpayers pay the IRS by credit card for the same reasons they regularly pay with plastic. It’s convenient, it allows them to put off paying a bill for a month, and, in many instances, it’s a way to rack up frequent flyer miles or other bonus points.
Using credit cards to pay Uncle Sam isn’t right for everyone. You have to factor in the convenience fee you’re charged when you make your tax payment. Will the value of frequent flyer miles outweigh that fee?
Increasing interest
For the credit card option to make sense, a taxpayer also must pay the credit card company promptly to avoid incurring interest.
Some credit cards that offer frequent flyer miles or other bonuses also charge a higher interest rate, so you could end up paying thousands of dollars in interest if you elect to pay only the minimum due each month.
You’re not off the hook either if you have a low-interest rate card or you shift your balance over to one. That’s because the credit card companies will quickly charge you the usual higher market rate even if you are one day late on a payment.
This method also is available through use of convenience checks that many card issuers periodically include in billing statements. However, these checks generally come with their own fees. And while many cards offer low introductory rates to encourage use of the checks, the ultimate interest could end up higher than what’s charged for regular plastic purchases. Interest rate information may not be listed on the check, so check your cardholder agreement or call the issuer.
These costs could, depending on what you owe Uncle Sam, match or outpace what you would have paid by simply charging your tax bill.
Though there is probably no way to completely alleviate the pain of tax season, the following promotions might serve as a soothing balm.
Tax Preparation
American AAdvantage, Delta SkyMiles, United Mileage Plus, Best Western Gold Crown Club and IHG Priority Club are among those programs offering promotions this tax season with partner H&R Block.
American AAdvantage, Delta SkyMiles and United Mileage Plus members who file with H&R Block for the first time through one of its retail offices will earn 1,000 bonus miles. Returning H&R Block customers and those who file online will earn 250 bonus miles. Those respective Web sites are:
http://www.hrblock.com/taxes/partners/aadvantage;
http://www.hrblock.com/taxes/partners/skymiles; and
http://www.hrblock.com/taxes/partners/mileageplus.
Gold Crown Club International members who are new clients to H&R Block can earn 200 bonus points when having their taxes prepared and filed through a participating H&R Block office. GCCI members who already are clients of H&R Block and use its tax preparation service can earn 75 bonus points by filing taxes through select H&R Block locations or online at http://www.hrblock.com/taxes/partners/goldcrownclub.
Elite members of GCCI can earn 225 bonus points if they are new clients and file through a participating retail H&R Block tax office; existing elite clients will earn 100 points when filing through participating offices or 75 bonus points when filing online.
Priority Club members who file with H&R Block for the first time through one of its retail offices will earn 1,500 bonus points. Returning H&R Block customers and those who file online will earn 500 bonus points. Visit http://www.hrblock.com/taxes/partners/priorityclub.
And in case you are wondering, a “new client” is one who did not complete a 2003 tax return with H&R Block, while a returning client is one who did complete a 2003 tax return at an H&R Block participating office.
Tax Payment
Delta, United and Starwood are all offering promotions that allow members to earn double miles/points when using select affinity credit cards to pay their 2004 income taxes.
Delta SkyMiles members will earn double miles for taxes charged to their SkyMiles American Express credit card between Feb. 15 and April 15. Payment must be made through Official Payments Corp.
United Mileage Plus members will earn double miles for taxes charged to their Mileage Plus Visa credit card on all federal, state, property taxes or quarterly estimated taxes paid through Dec. 31. Again, payment must be made through Official Payments Corp.
Starwood Preferred Guest members will earn double points for taxes charged to their Starwood Preferred Guest Credit Card from American Express when paying federal income taxes between March 15 and April 15. Members will earn double Starpoints on the first $5,000 in federal tax payments. Payments can be made via Official Payments Corp. or Link2Gov Corp. (http://www.PAY1040.com/Starwood).
Note: Some credit cards have annual or promotional caps on the number of bonus miles you can earn. It would be wise to ask first should you be blessed with an extremely large tax bill payable by credit card this year.
So, before making your payment, compare the price of the convenience fee to the number of miles you would earn to determine if you are getting a good deal. As was the case of the man who earned 8,000,000 miles, the value of the miles you’ll earn is solely dependent on the way in which you plan to use your rewards.
Let’s face it: Given the choice, we’d much rather be spending our hard-earned wages on greens fees. But hopefully this year, the income tax will at least drive more of our readers to higher mileage status.
The road warrior knows business travel always involves three variables — time, money and aggravation.
Of these, aggravation is always the most, well, aggravating. So how better to end your year than with a compilation of brilliant bits of advice that you can use for years to come? One simple tip that can reduce your stress or save you money could be worth much more than your next upgrade.
We had a lot to contribute, but we realized there’s really no better source for travel suggestions than the horde of travelers out there right now. So we tapped into the world’s greatest source of all things frequent flyer — FlyerTalk.com — and bribed members into sharing some of their significant insights. Some of these tips are tried-and-true, while some are just trial-and-error.
Now you, too, can begin to master the arts of packing, international travel, hotel and airport survival, money management, travel safety and much more, with these travelers’ 101 best tips from 2004.
Some of the advice is ridiculously obvious, but then again, how many times have we muttered to ourselves, “Why didn’t I think of that?” Sit back, relax and take this advice for what it’s worth (and it’s worth a lot!)
Ultimately, when it comes to the business of business travel, only you know what kind of food you’re craving, what kind of car you’re secretly dying to rent, what one-of-a-kind artifact you’d like to bring home as a souvenir, and what helps you to sleep in coach coming back from London.
So, whether your business takes you to the farthest reaches of the globe or simply on a series of hops, skips and junkets, here are the tips from those who do it best.
1. On business travel, always use your ATM card rather than your mileage-earning credit card for any cash advance in local markets. Credit cards have added additional fees (cash advance) that make it very expensive to have access to money when you travel. It’s not the ATM fee that you have to consider, it’s the cash advance fee.
2. Consolidator fares: Consider using a travel agent that specializes in a particular region and can offer consolidator fares when traveling between continents. You can save a bundle, get more flexibility in change rules, upgradeable fares, and still get airline miles. Booking online is not always the cheapest when it comes to international travel.
3. Rent a car at the closest place to the airport that is not at the airport so you don’t have to pay airport taxes. You can get to these places by taking your hotel shuttle to your hotel, then later have the shuttle driver drive you to the off-airport rental car place. (Local taxes can cost more than 30 percent of the car rental cost.)
4. If you have to catch a flight you are about to miss and the gate is far away, use the airport shuttle carts.
5. When in business hotels, you can take the plastic bag they provide for you to use their laundry service to put your laundry into and take it home with you. But don’t leave the plastic bag with clothes in it lying around in the room, or your clothes might get cleaned, and you might have to pay a lot.
6. Currency exchange: If you have a debit/ATM card with points, get your country cash from an ATM.
Upon your departure, use all of the coins and denominations too small to exchange at the Duty Free. They will count out your coins and deduct it from your credit card total.
7. Nick yourself shaving? Antiperspirant will stop the bleeding. (It has the same aluminum oxide as a styptic pencil.)
8. When another traveler violates one of those unwritten rules of travel etiquette that EVERYONE knows (reclining a seat onto your knees, failing to have pockets empty in time for a security check, stowing a bag in YOUR overhead bin, etc.), train yourself to respond first (and second and third) with patience, kindness and charity. More likely than not, the offense is not intended, and even when you encounter a truly inconsiderate moron, your forbearance will usually help the situation for everyone around you, and the indignation you might have to swallow will be healthier for you than bile, however righteous.
9. Hotel points (if on business travel): Eat at the hotel restaurant and order room service; they all count toward more hotel points for the stay. If on personal travel, find an IDINE restaurant and try something new but still get points.
10. Always make sure your frequent flyer number for the airline operating the flight is in your reservation at ticketing and check-in. This will minimize your chances of receiving ’secondary search’ on your boarding pass. Change your frequent flyer number (if you want partner credit) only when you’re inside security.
11. If you use any hotel services that cost money, such as the bar, restaurant or even the gift shop, charge them to your room instead of paying cash or even using your credit card. You will receive more hotel points for the increased final bill at checkout and you will still get the miles on your frequent flyer-linked credit card.
12. ALWAYS use a rewards credit card. It’s money GIVEN for you to spend, so enjoy.
13. Try booking a hotel that gives you all the flexibility you need for work, including free high-speed Internet, voice messaging, photocopiers, etc. Think of it as the airline lounge.
14. Nothing beats home! If you can’t be at home, try to get as much of it as you can. After a long day of meetings, it’s good to relax in your hotel, call home and have a chat with your family. Let them know how you’re doing and ask what’s going on at home.
15. Subscribe to and STUDY InsideFlyer magazine every month to ensure that you are not missing out on bonuses and other offers that will maximize your point/mile gathering. (Our mothers didn’t submit this one, honest. — Ed.)
16. If flying Southwest, use the online check-in feature. You can print your boarding pass starting at 12:01a.m. local time the day of your flight. This will guarantee you an “A” group boarding pass.
17. Lighten your load: The Igo Juice 70 is an all-in-one power supply. It will run off of AC, car and airplane, and with multiple power “tips” can power all the devices you carry (laptop, cellphone, camera, mp3 player and more). Eliminate all of the extra power adapters from your carry-on and save your back!
18. Download all the nearby hotels, car rental agencies, etc. into your cell phone or Palm for every connecting airport on your flight. Should something happen - the weather turn bad or whatever - while everybody else is heading for that hotel board in the baggage claim area with its one telephone, you can just start dialing and get a room without ever leaving the gate area.
19. Be static-free: Knock the static out of your clothes (or hair) with an anti-static dryer sheet. They’re small, cheap, lightweight and easy to pack. Keep one folded inside a zip-lock bag in your luggage. De-static yourself by running the anti-static dryer sheet across the statically charged area.
20. Be your own drug store: Carry a supply of common cold remedies, analgesics, etc. There’s nothing worse than realizing you need a cold medication or something for aches and pains and having to try to hunt it down while traveling. A blister pack of the two or three remedies you most commonly use at home should fit easily in with your toiletries and allow you to take care of yourself easily.
21. No matter where your travels take you in this big, wide world of ours, being courteous to others takes such little effort and the rewards can be bountiful.
22. To borrow a motto from another organization: be prepared! Photocopies of important identification, such as passports, should be carried on every trip just in case, and can greatly speed up having temporary documents issued at the embassy or consulate overseas should they be lost or stolen. I also carry a list of emergency phone numbers for the various credit card companies, medical travel insurance, etc., should they be required. I’ve also left a duplicate set at home as a back-up source. Cameras, watches and underwear are all just stuff, and can be fairly easily replaced, but losing your identity while abroad is a much more serious situation, especially in the heightened security-conscious world we live in.
23. Save giveaways and old clothes for gifts on trips to developing countries: Many of us parade through endless conferences picking up innumerable pens, pads, flashlights, t-shirts and other “giveaways.” These make great gifts when visiting developing countries in Asia, Latin America or Africa. The pens, calculators, time pieces and other office items make great school supplies for children who may not otherwise be able to afford them. It is much better to save them and give them away than to throw them away. Just fill an inexpensive bag with the items and check them through to the end. Hopefully you can give away the bag, too. Clothes items bound for the trash or a garage sale also make good giveaways overseas. Just wear that marketing t-shirt instead of your nice one and give it away when you are done. There are lots of people in need who would be very appreciative.
24. Snow globes, pewter collector spoons, ashtrays … oh my! Tired of overpriced, uninteresting, tourist souvenir junk? Try shopping in a local grocery store. Even countries like India, China and Sri Lanka now have large supermarkets. These are often full of wonderful local products. In Europe, look for liquor, wine, canned gourmet items, dried fruit and condiments. In Asia and Latin America, be on the lookout for spices, salsas, teas, soaps, chocolate and other local products. When you get home, it is a wonderful way to relive your adventures and share your trip with family and friends. These items also make great gifts! (Try to keep to packaged goods, though, to avoid problems at customs.)
25. Buy prescription drugs overseas: Prescription drugs in Asia are still an amazing deal. The key is to shop at a reputable, name-brand store (there are Boots Pharmacies even in Bangkok). Just bring your drug bottles or prescription so that you can get the correct item. If you have any questions regarding the authenticity of a particular drug, most companies have Web sites where you can check serial numbers.
26. Try for wireless: Outraged by overpriced Internet charges in big hotels? Just try the lobby or near a window. These days, there is a free wireless network almost everywhere; you just have to turn on your PC’s wireless search and try to find it.
27. Eat yogurt. Especially when travelling in developing countries, eating some yogurt every day will help to keep your stomach and digestive tract happy and healthy. Packaged and processed yogurt is available fresh and safe from stores in almost every country. This is especially important if you are taking antibiotics that may kill the good flora in your stomach. Try it … you will be amazed at how rare traveler’s diarrhea becomes.
28. Travel light: Not the most revolutionary advice, but carry as little as possible with you. In other words, check your luggage. After all, you are paying the airline to carry your stuff anyway. On the subject of how much to bring … ONE suitcase and ONE carry-on, max. Leave the laptop at work by staying at hotels with business centers and by carrying your data on one of those datafobs/memory keys. You don’t really need to work on the plane, so bring a book. Relax a bit … life is too short to always be thinking about the office. The last bit of advice: Bring a picture of your family to put bedside in that city far from home, ’cause it’s always nice to think about the finer things in life.
29. Visit FlyerTalk forums while on the road, so you can keep up with all the “current” events, of course (assuming you manage to go online with your laptop).
30. Before your international trips, research and get some inexpensive prepaid phonecards with a local access number, so you won’t be burned by the outrageous hotel phone bills or cell roaming charges.
31. For guys: When a strange but good-looking woman comes up to you in the hotel bar, smiles demurely and says, “Buy me a drink,” RUN AWAY as fast as you can!!! [She is most likely "working."] For ladies: When a strange but good-looking guy comes up to you in the hotel bar, smiles demurely and says, “Can I buy you a drink?” please, please don’t punch me.
32. And now for a practical, serious technology tip for international travelers. Sign up for an Internet Softphone service. You can download the software-based phone on your PC and call anywhere in the world for pennies, or for free in many cases. Check out Vonage, Skype or other such services coming soon. You can not only call other Internet users, but you can call normal phones from your PC, too. This saves not only outrageous hotel charges, but even if you use a calling card, Internet phone calls are much cheaper. The quality may or may not be as good as a normal phone, but the cost savings can be huge.
33. I always get fed up with those business lunches in the evening. The night becomes longer and longer, the people more and more drunk, the bill larger, etc. Today I make invitations for breakfast buffets instead:
- No additional expenses. The breakfast buffet contains everything, including drinks.
- No alcoholic drink issues.
- No nights that seem to never end.
- No clothing issues: People come as they will be dressed later in the office, too.
34. Reduce the creases in your clothes during transport: Don’t fold your clothes; instead, convolve/roll up the clothes and put them into the luggage. Even suit trousers look much better afterward if rolled up and not folded.
35. Make sure you are getting the best rate on your hotel reservation by checking back regularly before your trip. Just pretend to be making a reservation and see what price comes up. If it’s a better price than you booked your room for, just make a new reservation with the better rate and then cancel the old reservation. I have saved hundreds through “price drops” in a reservation before arriving at the hotel.
36. Download an offline electronic timetable to your Palm or laptop. If you get delayed at the gate or en route and have a tight connection to make, it’s always useful to have a list of alternate flights available (and your seatmate will appreciate it, too!) to assist with rebooking in a timely manner.
37. Don’t leave early, or return after you get home: I decided years ago that I wouldn’t pack (mentally or physically) until a couple of hours before my flight. I am fully engaged with my family for as long as I can be. When I return, I have a zero recoup rule, so I’m not away from my family any longer than I have to be. (Ninety percent of my travel is international, and always includes weekends.) If I arrive home before noon, I go straight to lunch with my wife. I spend the evening with my kids, and have often gone straight from the airport to Little League games, carpooling or other family activities. All this makes the trip as short as possible for them. My family loves the miles like any other, but they want me around more!
38. Learn how to sleep on a plane. People who can sleep on planes have a big advantage over those who can’t. We can take red eyes, we can work later in more comfortable surroundings instead of working on the plane, and we are not as tired and grumpy. Sleeping doesn’t require you to carry heavy stuff in your carry-on, and you can do it before the seatbelt sign is turned off and right up until the plane reaches the gate. And no matter what time it is, people don’t think you’re weird; they just assume you must be adjusting from a different time zone. I carry earplugs (which I don’t always use, but when I need them I am glad of them), eyeshades (often given out when you travel business class, but you can buy them for less than $10) and a neck pillow (inflatable, so it takes up less room the rest of the time). Add in the airplane’s headphones on the “boring music” channel (there are restrictions on when you can wear your own headsets) and the sensory deprivation is pretty good. Try to get two blankets (or one blanket and your coat) and wear one over your legs and one over your top half. This ensures the flight attendants can see your seatbelt and won’t wake you to tell you to wear it, and it also gives you a little more freedom of movement. If it’s a long flight, make sure you have a bottle of water in your seatback pocket so you don’t have to get up to slake your thirst in a few hours. Relax, breathe deeply, meditate or do relaxation exercises if you know how, and sleep. Your brain will thank you for it.
39. Get organized. I print out every confirmation, directions from airports to hotels to meetings, etc., and put them in a report cover in the order I need them. Show up at the airport parking lot with the confirmation for that reservation on top. Tear it off, and it’s the e-ticket next. Tear that off and toss it and it’s the rental car one, then directions to the hotel, then the hotel reservation, etc., all the way back to the airport and another copy of the e-ticket. Everything in one place, in the order you need it.
40. Save almost-empty cans of shaving cream, spray starch, etc., and bring them on trips. Use them the three or four times you need them, then toss them. Makes the bags lighter and gives you room to bring stuff back.
41. Get a lounge membership. I really don’t see that as a luxury. It gives you several more hours of productive work time at the airport instead of the noisy gate area.
42. Visit www.the-strap.com and get a personalized luggage strap. If you check bags, you can spot yours from across the baggage claim area. No more messing around looking at the tags on dozens of other bags. We have one on every piece of luggage we have.
43. AA flight info on the go: If your cell phone can email, or you have a two-way pager or PDA, use your mobile device to quickly check flight status. Send an email to status@aaflights.com with the body of the email in the format of AAxxxx, where xxxx is your four-digit flight number (e.g. AA0001, or AA0087). Within a few minutes, you’ll receive a response with the current status of your flight. Great for checking status on the run, or checking the status of a connecting flight.
44. Vacation packages are often cheaper than flights alone. When an airfare is higher than I might expect, I check an air and car package and throw away the car portion if I don’t need the car. AAVacations is great for this. Savings can be 40 percent or more.
45. Get an Amtrak MasterCard for overseas travel. The Amtrak MasterCard is issued by MBNA, which passes through the Visa/Mastercard 1 percent foreign currency conversion charge but doesn’t add its own markup. So the conversion cost is 1 percent. Most affinity cards cost 3 percent (Diners is 2 percent). And since Amtrak points convert 1:1 into United, Continental and Midwest (1:2 into Hilton) up to 25k points per year, it’s a pretty good fee-free card for international travelers.
46. Use meta-search tools for pricing travel. SideStep, Mobissimo, Kayak, FareChase and TravelAxe (for hotels) are efficient ways to search the landscape quickly for best fares. Then once you’ve found the fare and flight or hotel combos you’re looking for, try booking on the travel provider Web site for the best bonus or treatment. Even airline tickets and hotel stays generate mileage credit.
47. Mix business with pleasure. Short sightseeing excursions always make the business trip worthwhile.
48. Set your watch to your destination’s time zone before taking off from your home airport.
49. Don’t check in luggage.
50. Become friendly with your preferred airline’s ticketing and gate agents.
51. Use the online check-in capabilities of certain airlines.
52. Re-price car rentals a few days before you go. If demand has decreased, chances are the price may have, too.
53. If you book your trips several months out like I do, as soon as you book your flights, book your hotel and rental cars and any other cancellable items — you’ll be more mentally interested in the trip when you just booked the flight, and will probably spend more time right away searching for the best deals. Once you have everything set, make sure they are cancellable reservations (for hotel and rental cars) and then re-evaluate when it gets closer to the date in case you can get better prices.
54. Take advantage of Hotel Best Price Guarantees — a little legwork can save a lot of money. This year alone, I’ve had three free nights in hotels thanks to this and I got 75K Hilton HHonors points with the ACAQ/T promo and the Hilton’s BPG for less than 100 bucks, plus got Gold with them, and upgraded on every stay!
55. Plan for the bump (leave a change of work clothes in the car at the airport when you have a Sunday night flight back to your home city) and carry a copy of alternative routings to help the gate agents reroute you.
56. Carry trial sizes of Purell hand sanitizer.
57. Keep a photocopy of the back of all your credit cards and affinity cards so you can call in case you lose your wallet, or email yourself the toll-free and collect-call numbers to your credit card company so you will always be able to get in touch with them in an emergency.
58. Call your credit card company and let them know you’re traveling (so they don’t cancel your account for fraudulent activity or block it. AmEx loves to do this to my card if I don’t call).
59. Ship large items home if you can.
60. If you’re doing a stay in a city and then leaving the city for a few days before flying out from it again, utilize the hotel you just stayed at to hold items. An example of this was when I went to Bangkok and I did a side trip to other parts of Thailand. I was able to leave a bag in Bangkok at the hotel I stayed at, which I picked up on my way back to the airport — one less piece of luggage to carry with me.
61. Enter the telephone number of a local taxicab in your cell phone.
62. Grab a business card from the front desk before you leave a hotel in case you need it to show a cabbie on your way home.
63. Utilize public transporation as much as possible if you can — in places like London, Amsterdam, New York and D.C., there really is little reason to take a cab, as the public transportation is quite good.
64. Try to eat healthier when traveling than when at home.
65. Wear comfortable shoes and slacks when flying. On a 12-hour-long haul, uncomfortable clothing can really affect your ability to sleep.
66. Keep a spare pair of underwear in your carry-on if you’re checking luggage.
67. When you buy a new piece of luggage, it’s a good idea to take a digital picture of it, so if the airline loses your luggage, you can have a family member email you a picture to give to the lost luggage department.
68. If you have to use the restroom at an airport, use the ones inside security; they’re generally a little cleaner.
69. Carry only the credit cards/ID that you’ll need for the trip — dummy down your wallet on extended trips to only what you really will need. Be aware though, if you do this, your wallet may be stretched from having all the usual crap in it, so you may have looser card holders (so it may even be wise to have a “travel” wallet).
70. Check exchange rates before you leave so you know what you’ll be spending. Send yourself a text message on your cell phone with conversions if you need to.
71. Utilize your cell phone — I’ve got a Nokia 6820 and I can check my email, use it as an alarm clock and keep my telephone numbers in order. It even has an e-wallet that you can record your affinity numbers in if you’d like.
72. Pack light, pack early and repack before your trip to dump things you know you won’t use.
73. Instead of carrying an entire guidebook, maybe just photocopy the relevant pages that you’ll need.
74. Realize that Murphy’s law is always in effect. Just relax, smile, and know that it’ll all be OK in the end.
75. If you don’t have time to iron your clothes at the hotel the night before on a business trip, then bring them in the bathroom when you take a shower and close the door. The steam from a hot shower will help them a little bit.
76. I hate hotel closet hangers, so when I pack my good clothes, I leave them on my hanger, and carefully weave them back and forth into the suitcase. When reaching the hotel, open the suitcase, pull out your hangers, and pop them in the closet. It not only saves time, but you have your hangers to take the clothes you would be wearing for the day into the bathroom to steam them, if needed.
77. Tongue tips: When visiting abroad, don’t be tied down too much with a language guide. It helps to learn some key courtesy phrases in the host language that are universal in any situation: Hello, Do you speak English?, How do you say this (point to object) in (host language)?, Excuse me, Please, Thank you, Goodbye. When requesting something, even if you do have a language guide, most of the times you’ll just need the key word, followed by “Please.” (Note: Another reader suggested learning language basics using http://www.travlang.com/languages/indextext.html; this particular flyer can chat casually in more than 20 languages thanks to this site.–Ed.)
78. Try slimming down your luggage to check it at the gate. It’s a little more work going through security (wheels are so choice) but if you want to change flights or need to protect the contents you are carrying you will be rewarded. They are increasingly requiring that your luggage fly with you. If you get to a midway point and want to change flights they may not let you because your luggage is checked on another flight. Plus, if an overnight delay occurs, it’s nice to have it with you.
79. When booking the domestic leg where your international flight is with a different carrier, check with the domestic airline to see if it’s possible to check your luggage to your final destination. This will save you long walks between gates (terminals) with your luggage.
80. Carry a copy of Rule 240 with you when you fly (see the link below for some of the majors’ copy of 240):
http://www.mytravelrights.com/travellaw.cfm?ai=3. Also, be knowledgeable about your rights as a passenger: Visit
http://www.mytravelrights.com/rights.cfm?si=2.
81. Don’t buy cheap luggage. Cheap luggage dies quickly, that’s why it’s cheap! As you all know, good luggage lasts — and yes, it bears scars over time, but it is worth the investment. I went through all sorts of cheap stuff in the past, but since going to TUMI I’ve never looked back. TravelPro is also great, but only their top-of-the-line stuff. If you’re like me and do everything you can to not check your luggage, this tip is obvious. If you have no choice, it is painful to see $700 luggage scratched or lost…but if there is damage, the airline will give you a free replacement — of cheap luggage! Take that cheap stuff, sell it on eBay and use the money to get yours fixed!
82. Ever been at a hotel and needed to print something? Rather than paying the extreme hotel charges for printing (sometimes $2 a page), FAX the document to yourself at the hotel. Hotels often do not charge for incoming faxes (check first). Online fax services such as efax.com are cheap and easy to use.
83. If you need directions, look for the nearest five-star hotel and find the concierge/information desk. They are more than happy to assist you whether or not you are staying at the hotel. (And don’t forget to tip!–Ed.)
84. Sign up for all frequent flyer promotions. There are often bonus miles for certain routes, and even if you do not plan on flying that route, a diversion or reroute may result in you flying that particular bonus mile segment. I once got bonus miles for a route that the airline cancelled — they gave this to everyone who had signed up.
85. If you want to earn miles on BOTH segments of a direct flight, find a way to force the airline to break them up. Requesting an upgrade on only the international portion should do the trick. For example, if flying DFW-EZE via MIA, upgrade only MIA-EZE so they will have to split the two segments up.
86. If you have young kids at home who love bedtime stories, buy two copies of the same book. This allows you to take one along and still read to your kids at night via the phone. They are so happy about this.
87. Upgrade others! If you have status with a carrier that upgrades you for free and will allow you to upgrade companions at the airport, use it. I look for interesting people to talk to at the gate, then I attempt to upgrade them into first class with me. You make a friend at the very least, if you are really lucky…This tip is also great for military members you notice at the gate. They are protecting the country, and upgrading them to first class is a great way to say thanks.
88. If you watch movies on your PC on the flight, carry a headphone splitter so you can allow your seatmate to watch with you. It’s much more fun to laugh at the movie together than alone.
89. Earn enough miles to be elite on at least one airline to utilize the “fast line” through security. This way, no matter what airline you fly, you will get through the line first. I fundraise for charity and have sold a one-year elite card for over $10,000, they are so valuable just for the “fast line.”
90. Carry a pack of peppermint gum around; it really is a panacea. Keeps you awake during dry meetings, helps settle an upset stomach, prevents dry throat, and of course freshens your breath after a five-hour transcon.
91. For the small-business owner: Remember that you can earn miles for your business and for yourself. Example: Alaska Air has EasyBiz, an online option for small businesses to buy tickets and earn company miles. The traveler (you) still earns miles for the trip…Of course, pay for your ticket with your Alaska air Visa and double your miles!
92. Pay rock-bottom for full-size/premium rental cars. Find the best Priceline price for the cheapest grade (subcompact) on a bidding-info site such as biddingfortravel.com or betterbidding.com. Book this rate on Priceline. Then upgrade at the rental counter. You will usually be able to get a really nice premium car or SUV for $5 to $20 over what you paid for the subcompact.
93. Park (and stay) at an airport hotel in your home city. If you have a very early morning flight, stay overnight to earn more nights (”mattress runs”) with your hotel point program; park cheaper than at airport lots; earn points for your parking; and of course be already near the airport and so avoid traffic delays. Example: FourPoints LAX has a park/stay rate that includes one night’s stay plus up to 7 days of parking for $119. Bookmark http://www.parksleepfly.com — it has listings for many cities.
94. Always take the credit card you used to purchase your plane ticket!
95. All exit rows are not created equal. Be sure to ask for the reclining exit row seat, or look at the seat map.
96. Etymotic Research earbuds are the best solution for listening to music in a noisy environment. They are very compact (unlike the Bose) and have no active circuitry. The design is such that it gives a 30 to 40 decibel cut in background noise by blocking the ear canal. Whenever I use these on a flight, I simply can not hear any of the background noise. The best part is that they are some of the best-sounding headphones on the market.
97. Always know where your inbound flight is coming from. If it’s late, there’s a good chance you’ll be late, too. Prepare your rerouting options just in case.
98. Carry a fistful of Starbucks gift cards. When an airport agent, flight attendant or hotel employee goes over the top with good service, it’s a nice gesture/reward for them. (And, they might take care of you, too!)
99. Carry a Jiffy-Pak envelope with postage in your carry-on, just in case an overzealous TSA agent finds something in your carry-on deemed too dangerous to allow on the flight (like my $80 big-barrel curling iron, mini-MagLite flashlight or Tweezerman Tweezers, for example). You can seal the offending object in the envelope, address it to yourself, and ask them to drop it in the mailbox. (When you make note of their name and ID number, they don’t usually refuse.) You don’t have to worry about correct postage: It will arrive postage-due to your address.
100. When traveling to a destination, always check out nearby airports. This will help you make last-minute alternate travel plans in case you miss a connection or want to take advantage of being bumped. You can look at the departure board and see when the next flight is, and maybe the airline will put you on that flight instead of the one many hours later.
101. Don’t trust online award-booking engines. They’re quirky at best. They don’t always show all possible routings, and the time/date combinations entered may limit the scope of searches. If you don’t find the flights you want for award redemption, always call. And when you call, always ask the agent whether an airline’s partners have award availability: Most Web sites don’t check partner awards, and many phone customer service representatives don’t check, either, without a request.
When frequent flyer programs were initially introduced in the U.S. in May of 1981, individuals took only as long as June (yes, the very next month) to figure out how they might take advantage of the programs. Now that frequent flyer schemes are popular around the world, so are the ways that frequent flyers try to take advantage of them and not always on the right side of business. The allure of first class upgrades, free tickets and additional inflight pampering has lead a growing number of frequent flyers to become obsessed with frequent flyer schemes. This obsession seems innocent at first as frequent travelers queue in line to use their charm to acquire an upgrade or perhaps a change in a ticket which normally would not be allowed. Once that charm doesn’t produce the results it used to, travelers sometimes turn to intimidation to acquire the best benefits of travel. Upon failing, or for the sheer power of greed, a few even turn to deception.
Among the areas of fraud which are prevalent today are the following: other identity miles, double dipping, refunds, selling miles, and building miles.
Other Identity Miles
This deception is not currently a major problem in Europe as travelers are subject in the past to flight checks that prevent some of the common fraud from taking place. For instance, one of the many ways that frequent flyers build additional miles is to have others fly under their name, thus creating a consistent level of flight credits to earn that next free award. With the many passport checks that often occur in Europe, that problem is of minor concern to most of the European carriers we’ve talked to. All that is sure to change as the Schengen convention steers the way for free movement of European nationals within the EU. Without passport checks, there just might be a boom in “other identity” travel. This type of deception is often hard to detect, but as so often happens, the frequent flyer gets greedy and has several people flying under their identity. Sooner or later two people will be flying the same date and a red flag will alert those in charge of passenger security. How often does this happen? In the U.S., it’s often assumed that at least 10% of the most frequent flyers have at one time or another enlisted someone else to help them earn miles. While hardly in the same category as the Barings fiasco, it does indicate that these program influence behavior, and not always the behaviour to simply fly one airline.
Last year, Unisys, the international computer company, introduced a conceptual database program for the airlines which among several marketing enhancements, offered the ability to feature a photo of the frequent flyer in his/her profile. Designed primarily to boost customer service in a friendly sort of way, it would go a long way toward thwarting fraud among frequent flyers.
Double Dipping
Other areas of fraud that have become common is the practice of double dipping your flight credits. Since many of the European airlines participate in other frequent flyer schemes, is isn’t unusual for a member to submit flight credit to several programs at one time, hoping to build a free award several times at once. The sophistication of databases these days prevents some of this activity, but when a member has addresses both at work and at home, it makes the ability to connect the frequent flyer a bit harder to do. This is especially popular for those submitting credit to both a U.S.-based programme and a European-based programme.
Refunds
Another example of what people are willing to do to earn miles (but maybe not even fly) is to purchase full fare tickets, check-in to travel and then simply not board the airplane. At this time, they will take the ticket with boarding pass back to the airline for a refund. For some airlines, this is hard to detect and often the database will award miles to the person because he/she actually checked-in. A case involving this fraud landed a U.S. citizen in prison. When he was finally discovered, he had several hundred tickets in his briefcase which had earned him well over one million miles.
Selling Miles
The more common issue of fraud involving frequent flyers is the area of coupon brokering. While the U.K. has a large number of “bucket shops” that can produce a dazzling array of cheap airfares, coupon brokers have existed for several years in London and other parts of the globe. In this case, they are people who specialize in finding a frequent flyer who has too many miles or not enough time to enjoy them and matching them up with a traveler who is seeking a discount air ticket. The coupon broker purchases an award from the frequent flyer, marks it up a bit and then resells it to the traveler looking for the discount. When all is said and done, the traveler still saves an average of 40-70% off the regular price of the ticket. How prevalent is this. Two years ago the British Airways/USAir alliance discontinued the Concorde award for USAir members because audits showed that upwards of 40% of the free awards on that flight were being channeled through coupon brokers, something not in the best interest of the frequent flyer nor of the airlines themselves. At one time, this underground broker activity was estimated to be an annual turnover in excess of #175 million. But during the last five years, several factors have caused this practice to subside. First, airline schemes have gotten better at detecting this type of fraud. The next time you give a free award to a friend to use, that person will often find themselves questioned at the check-in counter and have to produce identification when traveling. Often, a person purchasing an award from someone else through a coupon broker will not know the name of the person whom they got the airline ticket from. As a result, a quick question at the check-in counter will catch an unsuspecting traveler that they are suing an airline ticket that was obtained through defrauding the airline. Many coupon brokers have since discontinued their business because of the growing ability of the airlines to press criminal charges against their actions.
Building Miles
Several enterprising people have gained access to various frequent flyer program databases to create and build frequent flyer accounts for personal gain. In 1990, a Lufthansa baggage attendant devised a way to enter the United Airlines Mileage Plus database and create false accounts, then steer miles into those accounts and then issue awards from those accounts which he then proceeded to sell for money. So far, the databases of at least three major airlines have been accessed in this way. Those that were caught are now serving time in prison. Airlines have since created additional security measures to ensure that their own employees (and several have been caught assisting flyers with false awards) and others cannot use information in their access to commit frequent flyer fraud.
There are several other ways in which people have learned they can earn miles, including making multiple reservations and hope to earn miles when using a free award and actually scavenging at airports for discarded tickets that when doctored up, are submitted for “missing” credit. The lengths to which people have gone to earn miles and free awards is rather frightening. But then again, so is the success of frequent flyer schemes. In the fourteen short years these schemes have been in existence, over 32 million people worldwide have signed up for at least one programme. On an annual basis, over 10 million free award tickets were distributed by airlines in 1994 alone. With the lure of free travel worldwide, it is no wonder that some have turned to fraud to earn these tickets. But interestingly enough, not all have devised ways to defraud the airline for free airline tickets. Most of those who have been caught, do it either for financial gain, or simply for the thrill of it.
As frequent flyer schemes develop new technology designed to provide additional customer service benefits to their members, they in turn are actually bringing in the technology that will make many of the current ways to defraud an airline almost impossible to achieve. But as can be expected, as long as there is a mile, there will be someone trying to either get it for free or make money off of it.